Stop The Freak Out | Monthly Archives: March 2015

Stop the Freak Out!

Posted on March 17, 2015 by Aneladee Posted in Home Schooling .

Have you ever thought, “What the heck? Why am I doing this?” I have! I have watched other mother colleagues get their houses clean, go out with their friends, get the things done they want to do, earn money and take naps. I will admit,I have experienced that green feeling on occasion. For heaven’s sake, I’m almost fifty years old and I still have two boys I am homeschooling. Both have special needs. They each are harder than my first four combined. I have been doing this for almost thirty years. Normal people retire after twenty-five. But it’s not just that, I am not the responsible type.

I don’t like having to be responsible for everything. It would be so nice to just let someone else be responsible for my children’s education. I mean, the state is offering, so why not? In fact, they want to take responsibility for them. To some degree, I even feel a little judged because I won’t let the state take responsibility for my children’s education. It would just be so much easier, not only will I be free to pursue my own life but I will also be free of that underlying, uncomfortable that I am just a little weird.

And then there are my boys. What about them? Wouldn’t they be so much better off if they just went to school. They would actually be able to spell, write and calculate. They would finally “fit it.” Wouldn’t it be better for them? Some of you out there are already laughing. You are saying, “Come on Aneladee, you don’t really believe this stuff.” Others of you are saying, “You go girl. Right, on all account!” You are the ones I probably need to have a little sit down with. So let’s sit down here and have a little pow wow.

Take a deep breath. You are going to be just fine. I want to give you three reasons why you need to keep doing what you are doing.

One –If all you ever learn and do in this life is how to be a fantastic mother and actually do it, you will have learned and done all there is to learn and do in this life.

Two –God didn’t give the state this responsibility. He gave it to you. You will have to return and report, not the state.

Three – They are going to be just fine.

Let me expound just a little and then I will get off your back. Let’s first talk about learning and doing motherhood. Homeschooling is not the only way to learn and do motherhood but for people like you and me, obviously God thinks it is the right way. So stop comparing your experience with some else’s. Comparison is a joy killer. Instead, let’s make a list of some of the important things you are learning. – Humility, meekness, patience, long suffering, hungering and thirsting for the spirit and his guidance, mercy, peacemaking, virtue, all the things you didn’t learn in school, how to negotiate through your negative emotions, how to recognize the voice of the spirit, how to recognize the voice of the adversary, love, acceptance for differences, household management, keeping the house tidy even with kids actually living in it all day. Wow, praise God!

Second, I know that government officials think that they need to hold us accountable to them but they don’t. WE are accountable to God and no one else. We must do what God tells us. Believe me, one size does not fit all and it doesn’t matter how many different ways they try to do the same thing, it is still the same thing. They want to train our children to get jobs. We are doing so much more with them than that. I will be writing a lot more about this in further posts. For now, let’s just call this a culture thing. I want to be in charge of the culture in my home, not them.

Third, all education is self-education. They are going to be just fine. The prevailing trend in education puts so much pressure on the basics. I am not telling you that this isn’t important. You do need to teach them how to spell and calculate. It is the struggle of homeschooling. It seems that those things that require so much consistency are the things they resist the most and the things that cause us mother’s so much strife. It’s okay. They will learn it. I promise. You are teaching them to love learning and to have the desire to learn it. But most important you are teaching them how to think and plan for the future. You can do it! When they gain the desire, be there. Hand it to them! Give them the reason to spell and calculate first.

Stop the freak out! You can do this! And always remember, what we cannot do by ourselves, we can do together. Let’s stick together!

by Aneladee Milne

What if my child has special needs, learning delays, or learning disabilities?

Posted on March 13, 2015 by Tiffany Posted in Home Schooling, Parenting .

If you have a child with any sort of special needs including learning delays, learning disabilities, and handicaps, we remind you to remember the following principles in your daily struggle for balance and growth:

Create an environment for learning that is suited and ideal for your child.
The Paradox: Remember that you want your child to be capable to be in a “real world” environment from time to time, so teach the necessary skills your child needs to interact appropriately in real world environments. These skills may be as simple as “covering her ears” when it gets too loud, or how to read facial clues, or to not laugh too loud in public, etc. Only you know the right, next skill to teach your child according to her specific needs.
Vary. If you are teaching a class of students, remember to individualize assignments and expectations according to the child’s abilities and skill level.
Expectations: this is a paradox. On the one hand you should believe that anything is possible and dreams can be realized. On the other hand, a person with no arms who is asked to catch a ball with her arms won’t be able to. We must seek to understand our child’s brains and physical bodies so that we don’t put them in the “shut down zone” by expecting them to do something they are not ready for yet.
Use the team: This can include the family, grandparents, siblings, therapists, professionals, members of your commonwealth, and doctors. You don’t have to do it alone.
Replace lies with truth. Sometimes children with special needs experience higher anxiety because of the social pressure of being different. This can lead to believing lies about themselves and others. When in quiet settings, discuss your child’s paradigms and replace any lies with the truth: that your child is worthy, that your child is brilliant, that your child is unique, that your child is loved, that the world wants to hear what your child has to say, etc.
Self Care: It is said that the stress of caring for a special needs child can add 6 years for every 1 year of life onto your life. What does this mean? It means that you need to constantly remember you. Do you take time to be in nature? Do you take time to read? Do you take time to shower or soak in the bath? Do you exercise? Do you eat healthy? Do you nurture your friendships? Do you rejuvenate yourself with healthy recreation? Do you dress neatly and nice or frumpy and dirty? Do you take time to be still? Which one of these can you realistically do better at?

“Spiritual Eyes”(Coming soon)

“Special Needs” (Coming soon)

“Seasons”

What is Leadership Education Philosophy and Methodology?

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Tiffany Posted in Home Schooling, Parenting, Personal Leadership .

The following is the educational philosophy and methodology adopted by us and by the mentor training company Tiffany and Aneladee founded: Leadership Education Mentoring Institute. (What is LEMI?)

Philosophy in a nutshell: We agree with the philosopher George Turnbull that “The great Arcanum (secret) in education consists in forming self-denial and mastership of the passions, without weakening the vigor or activity of the mind.”

This is slightly different from learning so you can get good grades or make a lot of money (though learning can lead to those things too). Our philosophy is that education is about learning because of WHO YOU BECOME. Ideally a young person can lay the foundation for an education for leadership, and later, choose a career/mission path, go deep, become an expert, and have an excellent career as well as being a leader.

Part of Leadership Education involves what we call the Liber Cycle.

http://stopthefreakout.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/The-Liber-Cycle1.pdf

You learn something true, you begin to apply it in your life, it challenges your character, if you stay on the learning cycle and don’t hop off and get on the Path of Mediocrity Rick, have this term link to a definition on the paths of mediocrity/failure and success, you begin to transform and experience real change, ready to learn another Truth.

We believe in teaching through freedom, where the teacher takes responsibility to teach and guide and the student takes responsibility to learn. This is very different from the harmful philosophy that the teachers job is to MAKE the student learn through manipulation, coercion, shame, or force.

Going a little deeper into the philosophy of leadership education we should mention the Liberal Arts Inheritance. The liberal arts are the studies that have to do with mind and heart and come to us through the Greeks.

Our Greek Inheritance

We also add the Hebrew Inheritance as follows:

Our Hebrew Inheritance

This leads us to METHODOLOGY. Our methodology is to teach great mentoring and how to use the Scholarship Ladders. We use Scholar Projects to do this. Great mentoring is the key to getting students to become educable, taking responsibility for their education and becoming teachable and humble. The Scholarship Ladders (link the orange to Scholarship Ladders) give us a measuring device for the growth of ourselves and our students, as well as being a tool to use to figure out our student’s roadblocks and helping them to overcome them.

Leadership Education ascribes to several classic learning environments found in Mortimer Adler’s, Harold Bloom’s, and C.S.Lewis’s writings including:

Example: set the example
Learn by teaching: through written papers and oratory
Lecture
Tutorials
The Socratic Method
Testing (not just the traditional type of testing by filling in the blank, by testing through oral exams and written exams. This is a learning environment 80% of the time….giving the student a starting point helping them know what they don’t know and inspiring them to know more. Only 20% of the time is it used to actually ascertain what the student knows. A mentor usually knows what the student knows from working closely with them and reading their papers and listening to their oral presentations, being in debates with them, etc.)
Coaching
Simulations

LEMI specializes in training Liberal Arts mentors who want to:

A) Begin studying the liberal arts themselves

B) Begin inspiring other youth and adults to study the liberal arts and move up the Scholarship Ladders.

What is a Commonwealth School?

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Tiffany Posted in Home Schooling, Parenting, Personal Leadership .

A Commonwealth School is a vital part of sustainable living. A unique school form where families who participate create the by-laws, govern the school, teach in the school, or hire the mentors, where the philosophy subscribes to leadership education philosophy and methodology, where Scholar Projects are taught and the Scholarship Ladders used.

The New Commonwealth School is a community project that LEMI recommends to bring sovereign families together for the purpose of educating in the Leadership Education model. This community form allows for LEMI Scholar Projects™ to be offered as the core to teach scholar skills and content that is critical to becoming “Liber.” In addition, local talent and expertise can be utilized for other classes that the community desires. As New Commonwealth Schools are built, both parents should be encouraged to be involved in both leadership and mentoring in the home and community.

We get requests asking how to start New Commonwealth Schools and Communities on a daily basis and so we are happy to present you with “The Gathering Project”. It is a Scholar Project™ created by Leadership Education Mentoring Institute, LEMI, to help you gather like-minded, freedom-loving families who might be interested in giving their families a Leadership Education.

Recently, on Facebook we were asked:

Question: “Could someone explain to me what exactly is a New Commonwealth School? Or is each one unique? What are some of the primary aspects of one? I’m trying to figure out what a New Commonwealth School is, how they operate and if it would benefit my children.” A.B.

My answer was:

Hi, this is Tiffany Earl. I helped Aneladee when she wrote the book on New Commonwealth Schools. New Commonwealth Schools are foundational schools that have two unique features: 1) Families with similar vision of leadership education get together and administer the school. 2) Leadership Scholar Projects™ are offered. Scholar Projects™ are thematic units that include writing, history, thinking, the subject of the project, and help the students up the Scholarship Ladders: Vision, Mission, Abilities, Skills, and Knowledge.

Second Part: You asked how often most New Commonwealth Schools meet. It depends on the needs of the families. Most meet at least once a week and offer several choices during the day–especially for youth ages 11 to 17. Some even have Love of Learning offerings. When the schools do Shakespeare Conquest Scholar Project™ , of course they meet more often for play practice.

Third Part: You asked what is unique about New Commonwealth Schools. In part it is the feature that it is a FAMILY experience. Parent Adults participate in Book Discussions, they become the mentors, and the Administrative Board. The youth take incredible Scholar Projects™ and electives to meet their particular needs and desires. And families become TRUE COMMUNITIES and belong to a strong TRIBE where people “have each other’s backs”. Its one of the most amazing things I’ve ever been a part of. I have life long friends because of my participation in New Commonwealth Schools. The opportunities for leadership are unending.

Last Part: Feel free to e-mail me at officelemi@gmail.com to answer more of your questions or to learn more! Or visit our web site at www.lemimentortraining.com

The next most popular question is:

How do I start a New Commonwealth School?

Here is the answer:

First, you GATHER families who would benefit from a Leadership Education. You do this through offering The Gathering Project to your friends and all who would benefit.

Second, Be sure to Create the Correct Expectations up front by using Correct Principles and Proper Systems that work when in the gathering phase. This is taught in Liber Community Series Training, and arranging with Brenda Haws at New Commonwealth Schools.

Third, you offer Scholar Projects™ to the youth. Nothing changes families and youth faster than a LEMI Scholar Project™ . You may even want to offer Love of Learning classes or clubs for the 8-11 years old.

That’s how you start. Once you’ve done those two things, parents will be ready to be trained in the “governance” and structure of a New Commonwealth School. Once they see the benefits that the Scholar Projects™ offer their children and themselves, doing the hard work of leading out in the school makes sense. Once the families partake of the Scholar Projects™ and start climbing the Scholarship Ladders, they are on fire about being mentors, serving on the board, and becoming leaders themselves. At this point, contact officelemi@gmail.com and ask about various New Commonwealth School Administrative Trainings. They can even come to your area!

We hope The Gathering Project can help you gain the vision and skills necessary for gathering your community and building a strong New Commonwealth School.

Important Note: We offer The Gathering Project as one of three Adult Scholar Projects™ in the LIBER COMMUNITIES SERIES. The other two projects are The Freedom Project and The Five Pillar Project. To be trained in all three projects attend the Liber Community Series mentor training by LEMI.

Sincerely,

Tiffany Earl and Brenda Haws
LEMI President New Commonwealth Schools President

What is failure?

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Tiffany Posted in Home Schooling, Parenting, Personal Leadership .

To explain failure, I’d like to share with you, the Path of Failure, the Path of Mediocrity, and the Path of Success. Every time we think, know, or feel we should do something we have a choice: the choice of which of these paths we’ll take.

The path of failure means not even trying or doing. Simply NOT doing.

The path of mediocrity means that when we are challenged and hit a road block, instead of following the Law of the Wall, we go to the crowd (our best friends or mother, or Facebook and we ask for advice so that we get thoroughly confused and don’t go forward. This is different than asking for advice from the source we KNOW we should ask advice from and then doing it. That is the path of success.

The path of Success means moving through roadblocks and doing the hard work of getting something done, no matter how long it takes or how many times you fall down.

Falling down can sometimes be confused with the Path of Failure. Falling down and failing over and over are actually a part of The Path of Success. The path of Failure is simply NOT GETTING back up once you’ve fallen. Falling down is crucial to success. Not getting back up, on the other hand, is choosing to be on the Path of Failure.

This is an important distinction and should be taught to our children so they are not afraid of failing and growing. It should also be a comfort to us so we have the courage to continue getting back up even when life or circumstances or weaknesses make us fall.

“Conference call on this topic” “Law of the Wall” conference call

How do I teach through freedom?

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Tiffany Posted in Home Schooling, Parenting .

Teaching through freedom is actually very simple: the first thing to do is to understand your role and your student’s role. Your role is to teach, be inspiring, create the environment, and sometimes to facilitate. Your student’s role is to take responsibility for learning and to learn.

The next question usually is, what if my student chooses not to learn? Here is the next important step to teaching through freedom. If your student chooses “no” then you ask three questions.

Did I do my part? This means, did I prepare? Did I do my part as the teacher and mentor? Am I doing what I am asking of my student? Am I writing? Am I reading? Am I thinking? Am I growing and changing? Am I applying what I learn to my life and going through the pain of learning and the liber cycle? Am I honest? Do I make and keep commitments? Do I take responsibility for my life and my education?

It doesn’t mean you are perfect in these things, it means you are pointed in the right direction and consistently progressing.

If you can answer YES to this question, Did I do my part? Then you ask the following question next:

Am I asking something of my student that he or she is actually incapable of? In other words, if the goal is to go from A all the way to Z and your student’s skill level, or vision, or ability, or personal conviction that they are worth it (mission) or knowledge set is symbolically at the level of “K” and you have asked them to do something at the level of “R”, then you might have to back up and teach “L, M, N, O, P and Q” first before asking for “R”.

Putting this in a different way might help show what I mean. One time Suzuki had a student who was blind. He could not just ask his student to pick up the bow and lay it on the strings. This is an “F” level skill. Suzuki had to first teach the student to “see” the bow in his mind. This was level “A”. Then he had to teach him to “see” where he had set the bow on the table and reach for it. This was level “B”. Then he had him practice reaching out and picking up the bow. Combined, seeing the bow in his mind, imagining where it lay on the table, and reaching for the bow was all the boy practiced for a whole week. Still the boy did not lay it on the strings. He still had to learn “C”, “D”, and “E”. “C” was training his arm to rise horizontally, up and down, with the bow. “D” was taking his arm with the bow and moving it vertically and getting his synapsis in his brain use to these horizontal and vertical movements. And then for “E”, he learned to turn his wrist and with the tip of his bow, touch the center of his open palm. After learning each of these simple skills that a “seeing” person could do naturally:

Seeing the bow in his mind’s eye
Knowing where it sat on the table
Picking up the bow
Being able to move it vertically
And horizontally
And finally tipping the bow to touch the palm of his other hand

He was finally ready to lay it on the strings….and only after learning how to hold the violin.

Sometimes we ask something of our students that is actually beyond their ability, and I’m not talking the perfect next step that SHOULD be reached for, but something several steps away that requires something before it can be obtained.

If this is the case, then it can put the student in what we call, “The Shut Down Zone” and they will not perform. If that is the case, back up, make adjustments, personalize, and the help the student progress until they can do what is being asked. This is real mentoring.

Now, if the answer to question 1 was “No”, then you as the teacher need to make an adjustment. You need to do your part and being educable and on the path of a great education if that is what you are asking of your student.

If you answered “Yes” to question one, you are doing your part, and your question to number two, you are asking what your student is capable of doing and yet they are choosing NO, then you ask yourself the final fundamental question:

3. Is my student, of their own free will, choosing “NO” and do they have the right to choose to fail?

Once again, this makes you dig really deep. First of all, you have to really ask yourself, did I do my part in inspiring my student? Does my student know they are worth it? Does my student have the capability to do what I’m asking? Do I need to teach a certain skill or ability? Do they know how to manage their time? Why are they choosing NO? Do I believe they have the right to choose NO?

In the end, the majority of the time it comes down to the Scholarship Ladders. For the majority of the time, if a student fails doing an assignment, it often means that a certain skill or ability needs to be learned first, perhaps time management, or typing, or how to research, or how to organize their paper first, or how to categorize the knowledge they are trying to understand.

That is why it is so important to understand the Scholarship Ladders, they give us the key to overcoming roadblocks.

Very seldom is it because the student doesn’t actually want to grow. And if this is the case, then so be it. The student doesn’t do the work.

That doesn’t mean the teacher’s work is over. It means that a whole different set of goals is put into place. The goal of helping the student find meaning for their life.

To teach through freedom, we do our part, and we understand the scholarship ladders so we can help the student progress up each ladder, taking one rung at a time. And in the end, the student has the right to succeed, AND the right to fail.

Mini lessons on expounding this topic:

“Scholarship Ladders”

“The Mentor’s Guide”

“Spiritual Eyes” (Coming Soon)

What are the 7 types of mentors?

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Tiffany Posted in Home Schooling, Parenting .

The 7 types of mentors are discussed at length in “The Student Whisperer” and also mentioned in “The Mentor’s Guide.” They are:

Parent Mentors—use both formal and informal mentoring, they mentor you along The Path of Success.

Expert Mentors—Mentors you in his/her field of expertise.

Leadership Mentor or Liberal Arts Mentor—also known as the Forgotten Mentor. Guides you through the liberal arts and receiving a superb education that prepares you for leadership in your chosen life mission.

Soul Mentor—has a supernatural link with you, mentors you in the high station of a FRIEND.

Guru—a mentor usually of a spiritual nature. Heroes in core books, religious leaders, etc.

Epiphanies—These can be experiences you have or events that end up being a mentoring experience that changes your life.

Mission Mentor—A mission mentor has a similar “calling” or life purpose as you, and is therefore uniquely qualified to help you in the pursuit of fulfilling your life’s mission and calling.

Mentors have been where you are, know where you need to go and can show you the way to get there. It is just a matter of your believing, submitting and doing. Their job is to provide direction, encouragement and opportunity.

“The Mentor’s Guide: How To Mentor Scholar Phase”

“The Student Whisperer” (Coming Soon)

Bring a Parent Mentor seminar to your area!